Relationships

Hello everyone! Hope everyone is have a god damn dandy day. I just thought I'd take this time to give you some dating advice, hope it serves you well, cause i know Dr. Phil just doesn't cut it anymore.

Relationships

            
             Dating a girl is kind of like buying a triple scoop ice cream cone. The first time you put your tongue on it you think you’ve found heaven. Then as you continue on with the same flavor you realize you’re only eating it cause you want to get to the creamy chocolate on the bottom. 90% of the time there is no chocolate, and next time you walk into the ice cream store, you just want to sample all of the flavors and leave.

             Dating is boring, and expensive. From a guys point of view, this sucks. But since girls love being boring and spending money, especially yours, they love it. 85 percent of good looking woman are involved in a little known organization called the PISS. This group of girls have competitions to see how much money men will spend on them to try and get them in the sack, which is quite a lot, and never put out. At the end, the 3 winners all have a lesbian threesome and send it to all the guys they got free meals from. Of course they don’t actually send it to them personally, they just post it on the internet because they know they’ll end up watching it anyway.

             Now, if you’ve taken a high enough math class, you will know that there are still the other 15 percent of good looking females out there for you to go fishing for. At approximately 6,840,507,000 people in the world, 49 percent of those being girls, 38 percent of those girls not being obese, about 24 percent of those being attractive, that leaves you with approximately 305,688,577 attractive woman out there. 85% of them are involved in the PISS like mentioned before, so that drops it down to 45,853,287  Unfortunately, 62 percent of Earth’s population is Asian, so that really only leaves you with 17,424,248. But if this number still sounds promising to you, there are several ways of going about this whole “dating” bullshit.

Internet Dating

Woman love internet dating. And you always need to watch out for things women love(like dates and spending money) cause chances are, you’ll hate it. But of course it’s obvious why they enjoy it. This is the perfect chance for them to bust out the old high school pics and post them up as if they are still skinny and ripe for the picking. However, even if you find a woman on the internet who‘s picture is not out dated, chances are she is not ripe for the picking and is very soon going to fall off the apple tree because she has been infected by too many worms. And when I say worms, I’m talking about meat hammers. Sausage swords. Pork pokers. Clam cleavers and etc. To be more blatant, she’s a whore. But whatever blows the cannon, makes for smooth sailin.

Blind Dating

Blind dating is perfect for someone who is hoping to find the inner beauty in someone, but chances are that’s it. Think about it. When you have something awesome, like say a Ferari, are you going to be like, ”Hey, check out this car, it’s awesome, it has a an engine that could kill a whale, and can go from 0-60 faster than a Jr. High boy can whack-off, but I don’t want you to see it” Hell No! you would drive that baby every where to show everyone how awesome you are. Well same goes for chics, if they have a nice pair of knockers, they are not going to need to go on a “blind date” so therefore you shouldn’t be looking for a good rack if you decide to go this route. So in other words, just avoid this one completely.
Speed Dating
So you want some ass, and you want it quick. I’ve never been speed dating, but judging by the name, I would assume it’s awesome. I mean the name alone makes it sound like you are getting the worst part over with and getting straight on those smooth satin sheets in your mom’s basement! Hell yeah!