Chivalry is Dead

Modern Day (Human)Sex in the Modern World

        Remember the days when you could walk down the street, look a good looking girl in the eye, and both have an instantaneous “do me in the nearest outhouse” agreement? You don’t? Me either, and I’ll tell you why. It’s because Chivalry is dead.
         In the old days, girls would open their doors for men wherever they went. All you needed was a good long sword ready to poke, and you were in for a longer ride on your pony than your quest called for. So what happened in the last 500 years? Did men get soft, or did woman decide that their baby makers are no longer for making babies? Well I have devised a couple of theories to answer these questions.

Theory #1: Electronic Radiation

        Although our first instinct is to blame Hilary Clinton, I believe there is more to it than that. The 1900s mark the rising of a century long(and counting) technological revolution. This has brought laptops, cell phones, iPods, and all those other things we have with us at all times. Is it possible that these devices are decreasing our hormones without us knowing it?
        I believe it very well could be. Look at every nerd you know, how many electronics do they have? Four? Five? You think they are getting any action? You bet your sweet ass they are, but hand action doesn’t count, so this is theory is very likely.

Theory#2: Asexual Reproduction

         Is it too hard to believe that that woman have learned how to reproduce without men? Women could be squatting down in ponds while we’re not looking and plopping out amphibious humans everyday. Frogs can do it, and we’re a lot smarter than frogs, so why not?

Theory#3: Lack of Guns

          Cowboys were badasses, and the ladies loved them. This is because they were used to carrying pistols around with them at all times. Not only did they carry them around, but they knew when to whip them out, as well as use them accurately. This skill of “whipping it out,” combined with “shooting accurately,” could easily be transferred to their sperm gun. Now a days, guns are frowned upon, and harder to reach, and even harder to actually use. It is very possible that lacking this skill has put a dent in man’s testosterone levels.

Theory#4: PMSing

         I really don’t have to explain this one.

Theory#5: Irony

         Woman actually do put out, but I’m too busy writing about how they don’t in my mom’s basement to find one who does.
　
         Whatever the problem is, it needs to be identified and solved quickly, or we are doomed. Many people are unaware that for every time a man dies a virgin, every males’ penis shrinks one tenth of a millimeter. At the rate we are going there will be no more functional lap rockets by December 21^st, 2012. Perhaps this is the turning event the Mayans predicted so many years before. This will eventually lead to our extinction, unless of course theory#2 is proven true.