The Food Network and Porn

The Food Network and Porn

If you were hoping to see Martha Stuart naked when you saw the title, I am sorry to disappoint you. After stuffing my face with a Betos burrito, I was flipping channels and stumbled upon the food channel. All the sudden I was hungry. Earlier that same day, I had just finished wacking off, and decided to surf the web when a lesbian site popped up out of no where(I swear it was a pop-up). Suddenly I was horny. The food network and porn industry are alike in so many ways.

Horny and Hungry

Aside from them being similar enough to make a short little alliteration, you’d be surprised that these two could very well be sisters. Two beautiful sisters that you want to take a bite out of for different reasons. Don’t believe me? Think of your favorite type of food. Now think of your favorite feature on a woman. Let’s say you chose burgers and breasts. Now think of an adjective you would use for each. Say you thought of “Juicy” for the breasts, and “Dripping Hot” for the burger. Try swapping them so you have: Juicy Breasts, or Dripping Hot Breasts; as well as Dripping Hot Burger, or Juicy Burger. Your brain is already wired to see both on the same level. You’ve probably found yourself saying things like, “Yeah I’d like a slice of her pie,” or, “I would put my penis in this burrito it’s so good,” multiple times a day.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdGsKzmCgB0

The best of both worlds combined in perfect harmony. Carl’s Junior, I couldn’t have portrayed it better.

Porn Stars and Food Stars

Although you would never guess it, Porn Stars and Food Stars are very much alike.Both stars have to be able to know how to use electronic objects. Porn stars have vibrators, Food stars have blenders. Both have to eat things they don’t want to. So they both have to learn to ignore their gag reflex as well. Both have to taste some sort of creamy batter, although food stars got lucky with the cake and brownies. And most importantly, they both have to fake being satisfied, whether it’s with the pulled pork, or with the pulled pork.

What You Can’t Have

Both industries might as well be sticking their dick in your face saying, “HEY, I‘M FUCKING BETTER THAN YOU AND YOU‘LL NEVER HAVE WHAT I HAVE.” One of them really is. With porn you can watch lesbian gymnastics all day, but you’re still stuck with the pocket pussy you stole from your brother. The food network does the same thing with the meals they cook. They serve up all sorts of shit like shark fins, electric eel liver, and veloceraptor brains. They make this all up of course cause they know the chances of you having the nutsack to kill any of those is about as likely as Justin Beiber having a career after his balls drop.